A Mother's Choice: My Eulogy for My Mother

Photo and Collage Created by Esme Rimmel and Doreen

For those unable to attend the service today, and for my own ability to keep this in posterity. Below is the eulogy I delivered at her service.

Angela Botsis Eulogy

November 27 2020

Angela Botsis was born on January 25, 1951 to Alec James Botsis (my papa) and Amy Thora Botsis (my nana – a term for grandmothers in our family). She passed away on November 22, 2020 at 05h05am, brought home to heaven by Jesus. Being Greek, she is survived by many. There are many cousins whose names I cannot all recall, but I believe Barry and Trevor are here. Barry, she loved her days with you in these recent years! Thank you. She was a sister to three siblings, Glen, Rod and Terry. She was a mother-in-law to Ingrid, a grandmother (their nana) to Kevin and Connor and my mother. 

There are so many people to thank. I will not remember them all. I will fail to mention some of you. Please know, this is not because I am not thankful, but simply because I’m her only son, with limited knowledge of what everyone has done. I am deeply grateful to all of you, mentioned or not. Thank you to Esme and Doreen who put the collage together at the entrance. I believe someone whose name I have not been told arranged for the flowers in her favorite colors. Thank you! Esme, thank you for all the work you have done this week to find numbers, connect with companies and make it possible to keep moving. Nick, thank you for guiding this service, being my mom’s minister and support these last few years. It always brought me peace to know you were here guiding her and keeping an old woman company. Thank you to Glen for providing funds to pay for Rod’s transport and loving my mom from afar with groceries and care beyond what was expected. Thank you to Rod. Rod, you have buried too many family members. The burden of grace, love and comfort seems to always fall on your shoulders. Thank you for being here, working with Nick in this time and the countless things you have done, that no-one knows about…Jesus knows! Thank you to all of you…words cannot express the depth of gratitude I feel for what you have done for my mother.

She would be, at the same time, beaming with the attention and love all of you are showing and, privately, embarrassed by that same attention and love. She loved each of you, in her way. 
I want to thank you all for coming, family and friends from near and far, in-person or virtually. Your presence here is a powerful expression of your love for her. You bring tears to my eyes with your love. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

How do you sum up someone’s life in a message? Especially, how do you sum up this woman…this pink-haired, loud-talking, belly-laughing, life-loving, sailor-swearing, craft-making, and deeply loving woman? You can’t really. But we can pause, remember stories, laugh, cry, breath, shake our heads and silently thank God for creating Angela Botsis.

Her story is a story of nanas.  She was named after Angelique Botsis, her paternal nana. Angela was a woman with the Mediterranean fire of Greek ancestry – the fire of Apollo and the love of Aphrodite. She spoke her mind, made friends easily, loved openly, got angry quickly, and forgave even faster. You never doubted what she thought or felt about you. 

One of my earliest memories of her younger childhood days was when the family was over at Glen’s house for some or other function and he discovered an old 8mm film of the family’s beach vacation to Durban. Our family loved going to Durban on vacation. It is no surprise that she ended up living there. We loved being there! The video Glen found had footage of my mom and Terry in a rickshaw. I can’t quite remember who it was, but one of the sisters was howling in terrible fear as the Zulu driver jumped up and down and carried them along the beach front. When we watched the film, I just remember watching these four siblings, howl in laughter while simultaneously making fun of each other and getting annoyed at being made fun of all over again! It was a beautiful memory.

She grew up in a loving family and, like all Greek families, it was large, loud and surrounded by food. Something Ingrid learned on our first Christmas together with mom and Rod’s family. We gathered for Christmas lunch and started with spaghetti bolognaise (my mom’s recipe – wow she could cook!). Ingrid thought it was a strange Christmas meal but proceeded to load her plate. I was impressed by this woman I loved and how she ate! What she didn’t know was that the spaghetti was a first course, followed by course after course of eating. For hours we sat, laughed and ate. Large, loud and food…that is how I remember my early days with mom and our family. But there were the other days…small, just the two of us, facing the world together. It wasn’t quiet mind you…that is not the Angela way…well, mostly.

She was a pioneer in many ways, probably one of the earliest ways was having me. That was not the done thing in her day…a young 20-year-old who had fallen pregnant outside of marriage. Tsk tsk, they would say. Who cares, she would say. Instead of getting married, and instead of getting rid of me, she chose to have me. She CHOSE to have me. And so, I was born, the day after her 21^st birthday…separated in hours from each other’s birth times, a metaphor that no matter our physical distance, we are always connected within.

How do you repay someone for giving you life? I don’t know how to do that. It was selfless, unconditional and costly. Yet she did. She endured shame, criticism, rejection, heartache all because she chose to have me. That is why we had this bond…a mother’s love, for her child, sure, but a mother’s choice too. And with that choice, a love from me that was as passionate and fierce as hers was for me.

She pioneered in work, choosing a career as a nurse, then working at Cargo Motors as a secretary, then for Tongas mushrooms as a salesperson, then Eskom as an occupational health nurse and finally helping at churches in multiple ways. A woman in business at a time when women were told to be quiet and do what men told them. She pushed through, pushed back and didn’t give a shhh. Well, you know what she would say…

She volunteered often…at church in multiple ways, helping with youth groups, serving with the non-profit I co-founded, and establishing quite a reputation for her food. She fed you. That was her way…are you sad, eat, are you angry, have some cake, are you sleepy, try a bikkie, are you hungry, try this feast. If you never tasted her food, you have sadly missed out on one of the greatest gifts God gave us through her!

Later in this service we will hear your stories and memories of Angela. Recently, a group who traveled to Cape Town to do some service work and who got to know my mother, gathered to share their memories of her. I’m betting they will be similar…stories of love and joy, grace and acceptance…along with a dose of volume and brutal honesty!

I have so many memories of my mom…literally thousands upon thousands. Moments of us together, just the two of us, at restaurants, walking on the beach, sitting watching movies, talking and talking and talking. I won’t bore you with all of them, but they also aren’t to be shared. They were our memories, and I will ruminate on them for the rest of my life until I see her again.

But a few memories might help you know the Angela I knew.

I believe the reason for her incredible joy is because of the hardship she endured in her life. I spoke of the criticism and ridicule she received for having me. However, she never received that from her own mom and dad (my nana and papa). They loved her through her choice and loved me like their own son. And so, it was a hard blow when my mom and I found her mother, my nana, after she had died in her home. That was when we went out on our own. She learned to raise me and make a life fighting for every scrap along with the way, sometimes with the help of others, sometimes despite their help, sometimes even when the help hurt more than it helped. She kept going, loving, laughing and finding a way…often at great financial expense rather than being wise with her money. She chose to spend rather than save and give rather than receive.

I am well aware of the deep love she had for me…no one, and certainly no man replaced me. She dated, and even married once, but she didn’t accept any threat to me and stood up for herself with courage. So, she pioneered again, and chose me instead of staying married to an abusive husband. She divorced him after only two months, and we went on our way again. There were others, but the one that came closest to her and with whom she loved longest was Manfred. They dated for 15 years or more (I can’t quite remember), but they never married. Sadly, his own demons got the better of him, and he committed suicide, choosing to do it in my mom’s home because of the love and peace she brought him. She never dated again after that. She was done with love interests…well except for that elusive Jewish, Apache, Arab wealthy man she wanted to marry. Like I said, her incredible joy came because of these hardships.  She knew the worst, so she knew to enjoy everything else.

Perhaps that is why her smile came so easily, and her laughter flowed so freely and why she would always stick her leg out in photos, like a Rockefeller Rockette! Why shrink back from joy when the darkness can threaten so easily, push back…that’s the Angela I knew.

She was a pioneer of hairstyles. I can’t tell you how often she was stopped and congratulated for her hair. Multiple times a day, by retail clerks, grocery store cashiers, people at church and on the street. Her hair was like her personality. Bright, vibrant and attention grabbing. Her hair started a trend in Faith Community Church. After her first visit, we began to notice a number of gray-haired ladies (I would never dare call them old), sporting new pink, purple and blended colors. She was a trendsetter.

She loved to make food and to eat. One of our pastimes when she would visit in the States would be to search out all the famous restaurants and delis at which to eat. Our favorites were all the triple D places: famous from being on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, we would find all these small places and try their food. And she would always walk out being friends with the owners, often leaving with a wink and a nod at the older men owners! She was vivacious and large as life.

She would often ask for photos at these places. Oh, my word, the photos! She took photos everywhere. And not just one. Thousands, upon thousands. I would be commanded to stop driving on main highways so she could take a photo of a view, or a tree, or a sign. Thank God for digital cameras and camera phones, or the cost in development would have been huge.

She was nana. She loved these boys of mine as deeply and passionately as she loved me. She took her skills at making crafts and made each of them their own quilt, affectionately called, nana’s blanket). Each winter, nana’s blanket is put on their beds and keeps them warm. She made one for Ingrid and me too. It sits on our bed to this day Some of you know that same warmth.

She suffered much but loved more. She was passionate and crazy, old in body but a child in heart. She was powerful beyond measure without, yet gentle and soft within. She was a pioneer - not someone who will have a documentary or movie made about her - but a pioneer along with thousands of other women who broke the glass ceiling that said to women, “This far and no further.” And if there’s one thing you know about Angela. No one told her how far to go or where and when to stop - ever. To all those women...exemplified by my mother. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for pushing. Thank you for leading us into the future. 

I thank you for allowing me this time to share, but if you will allow me a moment more. What is Angela’s legacy. I think her legacy is best summed up in a passage of scripture. You see, she was a Christian. We both became Christians around the same time. She followed Jesus and called him Lord and Savior. She didn’t always get it right or do it well at first. She made mistakes, had issues and asked questions. But she loved Jesus and kept following him. At the end of her life, she spent her days writing out notes to sermons and reading her Bible.  Some of you were sent these sermons and devotions often delivered by Rod and me…we are very sorry! She would spend hours doing this. Everyone says she loved me so much. That is true. I felt that...deeply. But she loved Jesus too. So deeply and so powerfully that I believe she was growing more in love with him than she was with me. She began to radiate Him.

Here’s what I mean…listen to this passage from Galatians 5:22-23, from The Message Translation:

“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.” 

(Galatians 5:22-23)

Some of these descriptions of what is commonly called the Fruit of the Spirit became characteristics of Angela:

• Affection for others: she showed that abundantly and you all experienced it personally.
• Exuberance about life: perhaps the best characteristic she showed.
• Serenity – she seemed at peace, despite longing to live closer to me and my family. She may have taken away your peace at time, but she had peace within. And the photos of her body after death, showed someone at peace.
• We develop a willingness to stick with things: she stuck with people loving them deeply. I experienced that personally but watched her do it with others specifically.
• A sense of compassion in the heart – she always wanted to help those less fortunate, often to her own detriment.
• A conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people: she believed in the goodness of people and things…except for spiders…they were evil, and bees (she was allergic) but everything else was treated with holiness. 
  
• We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments: she spoke her mind, so she never had to worry about keeping her word, because she spoke openly.
• Not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely: well, maybe not this one…she was a force, maybe not so good at the self-control.

And maybe that’s because the Angela I knew, lived with a longing. A longing for acceptance and connection that drove her. She would sleep on the couch in the midst of our crazy home life enjoying the hustle and bustle of people and children. Part of that deep longing was for her own father and mother who she missed deeply. She could seldom talk of them without tears. But now she is reunited with them and maybe pushed past Jesus to run into their arms first!

I said earlier, how do you repay someone for giving you life? Perhaps by making the choice she made. Ingrid, Kevin, Connor, I choose you. My mother’s commitment is my mission statement in life - to be the best husband and father I can be. I fail at it often, but I commit to it here and now again more deeply and more passionately than ever before. If I can do it half as well as Angela, that will be exceptional indeed.
That’s how I will repay my mom, by doing this for the rest of my life

And mom…
…I miss you, 
…I love you…always.

And until that sweet moment in heaven where we can embrace again,
I will love these three like you loved me.

That is our hope. That is our future. That is our Heaven!

And that is all possible because God loved us so much, that he created us, sent his son to die for us and through faith in him we can unite together with each other and with him.

Dear President-Elect Biden

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Congratulations!

I am sure there will be lawsuits and arguing against your presidency. But I don't think they hold much weight. You won with the largest vote ever in the history of the country. I voted for you because I saw within you a person of character and substance. I have seen you as a man who lives with his mistakes, loves his family, supports his children through their darkest moments. The story of you at the graveside of your son on election day moved me deeply. I have heard people speak of your capacity to forgive, to collaborate and to cross the aisle to get things done. We need that character and ability now more than ever. 

As the news stations show pictures of cheering and celebrations of those who voted for you, others might be apprehensive or angry. But, we are America together. We are in a fight together...a fight against a virus that seeks to destroy us, a fight against a struggling economy, a fight against our inner demons and external threats. You lead us in that fight. You campaigned on fighting for the soul of America. I am with you in that fight.

Four years ago I wrote to President-Elect Trump asking him to be a humble president. I write that same message to you now, hoping that you will live this out in the coming years.

President-Elect Biden: be a humble president

I follow a definition of humility coined by John Dickson, in his book Humilitas. He defines humility as the noble choice to forgo your status, deploy your resources and use your influence for the good of others before yourself. It is a practical definition that can be used well to guide you in your presidency. If I may be bold, here are some thoughts on how you can be humble. I don't expect you to succeed at this all the time. I fail at it often, even daily. But what a worthwhile goal to strive towards in being humble!

First, it is a noble choice. Not weak, not crazy or stupid. It is dignified, powerful and displays a virtue well depicted by your friend, President Obama. Make that noble choice for ALL of us!

Second, forgo your status. You have been given the highest status in public service in our country. There are many titles and statuses that go with your new position of POTUS - commander in chief, signer of laws, one who appoints judges and more. The fullest one is that you are a public servant. Forgoing means not holding onto your status for your benefit, but using it for the benefit of others. Be a public servant...serve ALL the American people well by forgoing your status benefits and using them to help everyone improve. Since we live in a world where what happens across the globe impacts us here at home, you have the privilege and opportunity to forgo that status in the expense of serving humanity. Please, do it well. Status has been given to you Forgo it as a servant to ALL.

Third, deploy your resources. The election has bestowed on you numerous resources to help or destroy the world many times over. In your public life deploy your resources for the good of America and the world. Deploy these resources wisely, and for the good of many, not the benefit of the few.

Fourth, use your influence. One description of the president's power is that all he has are relationships and influence. But oh, what influence and what powerful relationships. You have the ability now to influence global markets, determine family prosperity for generations, unite or divide us as a country, plunge us into a world war or build a global village. You have that influence. You could use it for personal benefit, familial promotion or party aggrandizement OR you could use it for upliftment, empowerment and improvement for ALL.

I am not naive to the impossible task this presents, or to the past struggles we have witnessed in recent years. We are a divided country, with huge rifts to overcome. I am aware of the struggles, but not as deeply or as knowledgeable as you are. This is why I ask you to be better than we hope...a tough request I am sure. Avoid lowering the base part of who we are, resist reducing our rhetoric to sound bites and instead lift our hopes, raise our dreams and expand our vision. Paint a picture of the greatness we might become, but then inspire us to work with you in building that grander experience for all of us.

Restore our soul, and guide us to deep, good character once again.

Be humble Mr President.

Make that your legacy.

God bless you.

God bless us all.

Leadership Masterclass

Photo by Alfred Aloushy on Unsplash

Governor Cuomo just delivered a masterclass on crisis leadership in his briefing on the state of work in New York State. 

His briefing was clear - detailing facts when they are facts and his own opinion when it was his opinion. He kept to the script of what he planned to say. He focu

He focused on care - presenting facts and plans he highlighted and spoke with compassion and care for those affected.

He was calm - he answered questions and presented real solutions using common sense in his communication.

He was confident of his team - when asked a question he had no answer to, his response was, we should look into that. He looked around at his team and they had an answer to the question which he did not know an answer to (nor did he know they had a plan for it either). After a clear response from his team, he responded with support of their answer, humor in the midst of it and did not steal the show from the one who spoke.

Throughout these briefings he has clearly stated that he is not running for any political office other than the one he currently holds - governor of New York. He has made these statements consistently to be clear that his decisions and comments are not to gain political currency for a future presidential run.

From the outside watching in, in my opinion, he is leading brilliantly.

The World is on Tilt

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I remember the old time pinball machines. They had this mechanism that stopped the game if you lifted the machine up to stop the ball rolling in a direction. It was appropriately called "tilt".

The world is on tilt right now.

I'm not sure who is lifting it up, but it has certainly stopped.

And as with any human effort, there are good things and bad things. Bad things abound in greed, anger, scams, the loss of human rights and poor leadership. Good things abound in love, care, comfort, sacrifice for others and crisis leadership.

Every day we are faced with the choice: to perpetuate the bad or the good.

Honestly, it's always that way, it's just that now - the stakes for our decisions are much higher.

So, choose well my friends and readers.

Choose good.
Choose love.
Choose care.
Choose sacrifice.
Choose wise leadership.

Choose to turn off the tv, and close the social media apps.
Choose to breathe, stretch and breathe again.

We will get through this, and we will be able to grieve together at our losses, laugh together at our survival, grow together as a human race once again.

But maybe, we will stop racing and start being again. Maybe, we will hold onto the tilt just a little longer, and discover a brave new world of unity and togetherness again.

It will soon be time to try that quarter again and get the ball rolling.

Handwashing Like a Pro

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Most of us wash our hands by washing the same areas over and over for 20 seconds (are people still doing that?) We are left with dry skin that slowly gets raw. 

But the video in the link below titled Wash Hands Like a Pro shows why it takes 20 seconds to wash your hands properly. Consider it a public service announcement. And for the inevitable question, no, the video is not suggesting using ink to wash your hands. It's using ink to show coverage!

Wash Hands Like a Pro

Crisis Leadership

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I am busy reading Crisis Leadership by Gene Klann. He lists core skills for leaders to use before, during and after a crisis based on years in the military.

At the same time, we are all getting to see our leaders, in all spheres, attempt to do what he writes about in his book. Unsurprisingly, there is a spectrum from miserable failures to confident successes.

Klann talks about three core leadership skills:

• Communication
• Clarity around vision and values
• Care for people

How would you rate your leader on those core skills? 

What could they do to improve?

How could you let them know to help them?

Processing Your Lockdown: The Stages of Grief

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We are all grieving some sort of loss. 

From loss of freedom of movement for some, to loss of life for others.

And we are all going through stages of grief in some way.

For those who don't know them, the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are not necessarily sequential, but most people experience all of them as they process grief.

Most felt denial in the last week: "this is crazy", "it's surreal", "I can't believe it" and a myriad other responses all show denial.

Last night, I think I moved into anger. I felt anger at our political leaders (on too many levels and for too many things). But the flashpoint for me was listening to a report on the second failed attempt in congress. 

Both sides of the aisle attempted to include their own programs (unrelated to the current crisis) in earmarks and appropriations. It made me angry, that in a time where people are scared, losing their jobs, getting sick, dying (and a prospect that it will only get worse), politics was alive and well.

It made me mad (along with a host of other things).

For me I process anger by sharing it with trusted friends and physical exercise.

My friends weren't available, the gym is closed...so out I went on a run, alone and not very far, but enough to bleed off my anger and find perspective.

Others deal with anger by journaling, sleeping, withdrawing, prayer, solitude and silence (those last two are a little tough if you are stuck in a house with lots of others.

How do you process anger during this crisis time?

Refuel: you need it

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In the gospel of Mark, chapter 2, Jesus's disciples are accused of working on the Sabbath. In the day, the Sabbath was a holy 24 hour period where no work was to be done. In fact, religious leaders had spent a great deal of time determining what was work what wasn't. They saw Jesus disciples doing minimal work on the Sabbath and had an issue with it. Jesus response was that Sabbath was made for us, not the other way around. We don't live to an inflexible schedule, but we do live by a guiding principle: we need rest. We need to refuel. That was Jesus point, not that we can work indefinitely, but that rest as a principle is in our control. 

In this current crisis, as we work from home, the lines between work and home blur. Like me, you might find yourself with no private time, constantly bombarded with needs and requests (from news coverage, child needs, work needs, home needs, personal needs). The idea of resting and refueling, especially emotionally, might be a wish far too fanciful to get. But we need rest (physical, emotional, spiritual, mental). We need to refuel. 

So, let's put that principal of rest being in our control to work:

Here's a few suggestions on how to do that. Please suggest your own in comments!

Physical

• Exercise
• Sleep
• Walk
• Control your breathing
• Hug those in your home for over 10 seconds

Emotional

• Have a video chat with someone you love
• Journal your emotions
• Connect with a counselor, pastor, coach or mentor
• Do something that fills your emotional tank (reading, playing, painting, crafts, etc)
• Listen to your favorite music

Spiritual

• Pray
• Download the Bible App and read through a plan
• Read a devotional, spiritual memoir or blog
• Find a way to spend 10-15 minutes in silence and solitude (noise-canceling headphones help)

Mental

• Turn off the news
• Shut down social media
• Read something fictional
• Start a class (Masterclass has many options)

There are many options, and you probably know some better than I listed here. Remember, you control how and when you find rest, so exercise your control. Refuel: you need it.

The Best In Us

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I am overwhelmed...

...not with fatigue, or fear or stress.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

In the space of these last few days I saw the best in us. I just finished watching the Mayor of Boston's live address (March 17, 2020). It was incredible and hopeful. It was presidential. It was human.

In these days of crisis, I have seen individuals offer help, civic, medical and community resources work hard, companies provide support, politicians work together and remove red tape, industries band together. In an apocalyptic scenario, we are not collapsing. We are rising. We are banding together. We are leading well. We are being...human...the best in us...working together to find hope, find solutions, express love.

I am amazed by the community I am in, those near and far, those on our street and across the globe, at how we are working together in this time.

My prayer...

"Lord, may the best in us continue to outgrow the crisis we face, the limits we endure and the pain we suffer as You work to bring a cure. Lord, release this curse from us, but leave it's blessing...a united humanity working in love."

Door's Howl review: A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

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Synopsis

When I started watching this movie I thought it was a story about Mr Rogers. And it is...sort of. I also thought it was going to be a manifesto on kindness...and it is...sort of. What it actually is, is an episode of Mr Roger's Neighborhood tv show shot in a movie form. It deals with anger, and kindness and real events in the life of Mr Rogers.

The movie, based loosely on an Esquire article, chronicles the attempt to interview Mr Rogers by a hard hitting (some would say mean spirited) investigative journalist. As the story progresses, we learn of the reporter's failed relationship with his father who is dying. Real life events of Mr Rogers, retold for the movie, are captured in different settings or similar settings: people singing the theme song on the subway, the moment of silence for all those who have loved us into being.

As we watched the movie as a family, something interesting happened. What had been a chaotic night, with heightened tensions and raised voices, became a setting of serene calm and peace. The quietness of Tom Hanks portrayal of Mr Rogers, the pace of the movie, the rhythmic soundtrack and the power of the story all led to a dramatic change in our home.

As we begin the next period of school closings, social distancing and forced or self quarantines as a society, I think this movie has something to say to us: make people feel loved today. Express kindness, share love, pass on hope. And here's what I am seeing: more and more people are using the power of social media to provide support and help to each other. Offering help with rides, meals and food support for those in need, gratitude and care are growing in abundance.

Keep bringing the best of us out and Mr Roger's dream of a society wide neighborhood of care and love might just come true. Well done all...let's keep at it.

Score

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood scores a New Moon.

Scoring System

Wolves are thought to commonly howl at the moon. So, the better the moon, the greater the howl. Description of scoring system below.

Full Moon - best you can get, must watch and must own
New Moon - great movie, worth seeing and buying
Crescent Moon - average to above average, good to watch, but may want to wait for DVD
Sliver Moon - below average, not worth seeing and only get it on DVD when you have nothing better to do, like having a root canal
Moonless Night -not even worth mentioning - avoid at all costs!

COVID-19: Is this the new world?

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Schools closed...events canceled...hospitals inundated...sports seasons suspended...shopping excess at grocery stores (toilet paper anyone)...social distancing...media flurries...travel bans...it reads like an apocalypse movie script.

Except it's all fact.

Is the COVID 19 impact the new normal in a new world?

Many believe it is.

But for me, this provides an opportunity...for the best in us to come out.

Here's what I mean...

We can care for each other in powerful ways as we face this crisis together. Here are some thoughts on how to do this:

• Guard your health: follow the advice of your PCP and CDC advisories. DON'T follow a meme on Facebook...many of them are inaccurate, and some are even dangerously wrong.
• Manage emotions: avoid being overwhelmed and limit media coverage that exacerbates your emotional mood. 
• Care for your neighbors: check on those near you, especially those who live alone or single parents with kids. Offer help, stay connected, express support.
• Share resources: Out of your excess share with those who lack.
• Respect the decisions of others: don't invade others choices to distance socially, or self quarantine.
• Don't discriminate: avoid assumptions based on race AND stand against discrimination of people. I have heard from people who have experienced profiling and discrimination first hand due to assumptions about the Coronavirus.
• Pray: if you are a person of faith, pray for the officials, medical personnel, those infected, those in fear, and those near you.
• Embrace the gift: for many people they are heading home due to closings and cancellations. Embrace the gift of downtime, if that's what you have. Be with your family, love each other, play games, watch movies, enjoy the rest.

We will emerge from this virus. The world may be different when we emerge, but we will emerge. There will be new restrictions, new vaccines, new ways of operating, new ways of traveling, but we are a resilient people who will find a way. We can do this together.

As a person of faith, and a pastor, I also believe this crisis gives us the opportunity to remember that there is Someone greater than a disease, a power greater than fear, and hope greater than death. A follower of Jesus from 2000 years ago realized this truth and wrote about it. His name was John, an apostle of Jesus, an eye witness to the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Here's what he wrote almost 2000 years ago:

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear."

1 John 4:16-18 (NIV)

That Someone is Jesus

That Power is love

That Hope is life in Christ

In these coming days, let's make a new world based on these truths where  

...faith replaces fear.

...hope defeats despair

...community replaces isolation
...love conquers hate

Join me in creating this new world that defeats COVID-19

Unfeeling...is that a word?

Photo by Callum Skelton on Unsplash

Well...is it? 

Or is it more a description of an overload of emotions that leave you feeling adrift and numb. 

That's how I'm feeling after this week of political turmoil. 

I voted early, four days before the primary in MA. 

Who knew that four days later it would erupt into craziness. 

Within 24 hours two candidates withdrew (knowingly mocking my vote, but not personally). 

Super Tuesday was all over the place with two candidates claiming victories, while the two remaining women running were succinctly ignored. 

Then another male candidate dropped out

Then another female.

Now there are three candidates: one woman and two men.

However, the media is calling it a two person race. 

Since that candidate only has 2 delegates, it really is between the front runners.

The speed at which these candidates dropped out and endorsed previous opponents, has left me with "unfeeling". 

I am disappointed, but I don't know with whom. I don't know if its with the candidates who dropped out or the voting population who seems to choose white males over non white male candidates. I don't even know if it's about gender and sexism. Like I said, I don't know quite what I'm feeling.

The following is not an endorsement or critique of the Democratic Party or democratic views.

The 2020 Democratic Candidate list was one of the most diverse candidate lists I have seen in many election cycles. There was a vast range of ethnicities, genders, orientations, views and political plans. I found it fascinating, interesting and worth exploring. I was hoping for someone different, with perhaps fresh insights and solutions to guide and grow our country. One by one, for various reasons they have all dropped out and we are left with two front runners that seem to be a bit of the same old political past we have endured for some time. 

And I don't know how I feel about that. Unfeeling is what I feel...numb, surprised and unsurprised, disappointed and non-plussed, confused and understanding, but mostly, just empty...wishing for a change that will catapult us into a new age of the American dream.

But for now, it becomes a search for what works with yet another choice between two white males in the democratic party and then another choice between probably two white males for the presidency.

To the women candidates: Senator Amy Klobuchar, Representative Tulsi Gabbard, and Senators Kirsten Gillibrand, Elizabeth Warren, and Kamala Harris. Thank you for courageously stepping out and attempting to once again break that glass ceiling in America. Tulsi Gabbard, you are still fighting and I remind myself, there are three candidates for the democratic party, not two...even if that third candidate is very far behind.

When the Next Generation Teaches it Better

Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

Each Sunday our faith community gathers before service to pray and share. It's a time when our Family Ministry Director also shares the theme that the next generation is learning for that month. We call it our life app (based off the Orange Philosophy curriculum). She shares the theme and the one sentence description.

This month the theme is forgiveness. The one sentence description:

"Deciding that someone who has wronged you doesn't have to pay."

When she shared it, you could hear a pin drop...people visibly paused and began to think of the implications of that sentence. It hit me square between the eyes. Imagine if we could all forgive people who have wronged us, by deciding that they don't have to pay us anything.

It had such an effect, I asked her to repeat it. It has stuck with me all the time since then and this afternoon, as I was reflecting on it, I asked her for the exact wording because I wanted to share it here.

Like any of you, I have people who have wronged me. I'm trying to apply that sentence to my heart, mind and life today. I am trying to decide that they don't have to pay. I'm working through releasing them from the bondage of my self-righteousness. Because, the truth is, I'm the one in bondage.

I say "trying" because it's a hard thing to do. And as if God was underlining, bolding and italicizing it, we watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, which has a theme of learning to forgive too.

So, today I'm making a statement of commitment: I am deciding that those who have wronged me don't have to pay.

And I hope that those I have wronged might find the way to release me from having to pay too.

Our world needs more of this. I hope you can release those who have wronged you too.

IT...(not about the clown)

Photo by Pierrick VAN-TROOST on Unsplash

Craig Groeschel wrote a book about IT in 2008. From the preface of his book, he describes how you can tell when an organization has IT and doesn't. You know when a leader has IT, or doesn't. You know the feeling of working in an environment that has IT, and the drudgery of working in an environment that doesn't. When IT is present, there's a buzz, a vibe, a recognition. And when you begin to feel IT, IT energizes you, inspires you and moves you.

I'm beginning to feel IT. Things are happening to me professionally and personally where I am beginning to experience IT. I'm looking forward to the ride, excited about what might happen and anticipating some incredible manifestations of IT. I am beginning to feel a quickening of my spirit, a clarity of focus, a desire to work harder and growing passion.

IT is hard to describe or clarify...but if you know that feeling, then you know what IT is.

No, it's not about the clown, IT's about guts, energy, passion and drive. 

If you have IT, lead with IT powerfully.

If you follow someone with IT, support them deeply.

If you don't have IT, search for IT without ceasing.

IT will change your life.

Join me in searching and holding on to IT.

P.S. To all those with coulrophobia, I apologize, but I doubt you read this far...Maybe someone can say sorry for me!

Check your sources!

Photo by Matthew Guay on Unsplash

As the Democratic candidate group gets smaller and smaller and the race gets more contentious, I am seeing multiple posts, infographics, articles, opinions and comments. Here's my one request: check your sources...please!

In this new world we cannot trust photos, videos, or opinion articles. Videos can be spliced together to look authentic, photos are easily doctored and articles, quotes and "fact sheets" are easily manipulated.

Check your sources for authenticity, check the date, source of article, tone of publication (the number of times satire sites are quoted as factual is scary), and verify against the actual candidates websites. If in doubt, please don't share, because all it does is waste time and creates arguments.

There are enough worthwhile issues to debate in the coming election without having to deal with the false, inaccurate or purposely skewed.

Check your sources and correct me if I fall into this same trap. We can all help each other promote truth if we are willing to hear from each other.

Now to watch the last debate before Super Tuesday!

Guts and Tears: Encouragement for those experiencing loss

Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash

One of the most famous miracles of Jesus is the raising of Lazarus from the dead. It is also the story that contains the shortest verse in the Bible: Jesus wept. There is another emotion present in this story: one of visceral anger, although most translators choose a softer description: "deeply moved". 

At the time of the death of Lazarus, a close friend, John records Jesus expressing two profound emotions: deep sadness displayed in the shedding of tears and deep anger displayed in a powerful action. When Jesus heard of the death of Lazarus, he knew what was going to happen. He knew the end result that God would raise Lazarus from the dead. Yet, in spite of this knowledge, Jesus felt sad and angry. He was moved to tears and moved in his guts.

Therefore, when we face death: the death of loved ones (the expected deaths and the unexpected deaths), why should we not feel the same emotions? 

Unlike Jesus, we face these deaths without the certain knowledge he had. We face those deaths holding onto every scrap of hope our faith can give us. We face those deaths with limited knowledge and overwhelming emotion.

So, it's ok for us to feel those same emotions of anger and sadness, and to feel them as deeply as Jesus did, moved to tears and moved in our guts: sad and angry. So feel those emotions...without shame, without concern, without fear and without apology. Feel them, express them and listen, because in the depth of those emotions being expressed you will hear the quiet voice of God whispering comfort to you.

So, if you are facing the death of a loved one today; know this:

- Jesus knows what you feel because he felt it,

- what you are feeling is ok and right,

- express those emotions as you need to, just like Jesus did in the story

- hold on to that hope of faith, that those who believe in Jesus will experience eternal life 

For it is Jesus who said to Martha in the midst of her grief, the words of good news for all,

"I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26)