How Low Can You Go!

"Let us study the character of Christ so that our souls may be filled with love and admiration for his lowliness" Andrew Murray - Humility

At a recent retreat the leader introduced me to this quote by Andrew Murray. It made me sit up and take notice when I first heard it, it has since made me rethink much of how I approach Jesus, and how others might perceive me and Him. This, together with a sermon series by Andy Stanley called Brand: New, has shaken my world - personally and professionally.

The series by Andy Stanley has caused me to change my life verse from Luke 5:5 to Galatians 5:6. The last half of that verse says: The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. In it, Andy Stanley presents a solid, hard and severe critique of the church today. His critique is that the church seems to have lost it's way focusing more on intellectual agreement and rituals rather than loving God BY loving those around us.

I agree with him.

The easiest critique of "love" is that it seems over-simplified and weak in application. Andy's response to this left me thinking long and hard. His response is that it is far less complicated and far more demanding. It is easy - remember one thing - what does love require in a given situation. But it is far more demanding because what love required of Jesus is that he give up heaven and die for us. Die for me!

That brings me back to the quote by Andrew Murray. Jesus chose lowliness, servanthood, humility as the way to show his love. Andrew Murray challenged me that I should do the same. I've thought long and hard about that sentence and the last word. There are many words I might have put at the end of that sentence:

"Let us study the character of Christ so that our souls may be filled with love and admiration for his majesty"

"Let us study the character of Christ so that our souls may be filled with love and admiration for his glory"

"Let us study the character of Christ so that our souls may be filled with love and admiration for his power"

"Let us study the character of Christ so that our souls may be filled with love and admiration for his grace"

And more...but Murray spoke that sentence about lowliness, about service and humility.

Surely, those who call Jesus Lord are the ones who exemplify this same attitude - one of love and humility? Sadly no.  Far too often those who call Jesus Lord live with the attitude of judgment and superiority. Or, at the very least, they are seen as acting that way. Either way, the end result is the same. People are turned away from Jesus, instead of attracted to him. They reject Him because of His followers attitudes rather than accepting him because of their love. Of course, this is not entirely true and there are many who do this right! But far too often, far too regularly, those not in the Christian church see the Christian church as judgmental and negative.

What was a grassroots movement that was so pervasive in its love that it attracted thousands every day, has become something formulaic and repugnant to the very people it's trying to reach.

Sadly, I look at my own life and see that I have far too often lived with that same wrong attitude.

But it's time for a change...it's time for what Paul calls "the only thing" to take root in my life like never before. Consider that phrase for a moment...Paul says, the only thing...THE ONLY THING...that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

So...what does this mean for me personally and for the work I do in Spiritual Growth at Faith Community.

For me personally 

• A re-evaluation of how I speak, think, and act towards others. 
• A measurement of whether my love quotient at the end of the day has increased or decreased.
• An assessment of whether I left each person I've encountered in my day experiencing more love from me or less.

For the Spiritual Growth Ministry a simple question to the leaders of the small groups I oversee:

• Are you displaying the lowliness of Christ in your leadership?

And for the members of those groups:

• Are your groups communities of love?

These might be closed questions but they beg the follow up of how. How will you develop that lowliness as a leader? How will your group become a community of love? That is where the far less complicated command from Jesus to love one another becomes a far more demanding day to day lifestyle.

So I ask you a favor:

Pray for me and I'll pray for you - that LOVE shown in LOWLINESS becomes the experience of our day to day lives.

Safety

Safety is a major concern these days.

It's in the top three, if not the top question parents ask about new places they go to with their children. Beyond having fun or learning parents as, "Will my child be safe?"

Sadly, women have to ask this question far more than they should. It angers me to no end that women cannot move, work, walk or live in assumed safety.

With the current election climate and the recent comments by Donal Trump, safety for the country and world is a growing concern for me. I lived through the nuclear threats of the cold war as a child. I don't relish going back to those days of impending nuclear blast. I know that nuclear proliferation is a problem and that bio-terrorism is even a larger threat. That's why I want cool heads in leadership, not hot heads.

Safety is a major concern these days!

Safe Haven

A harbor or haven by definition is supposed to be a safe place for ships to gather. But in 1699, Richard Bentley in his work A Dissertation Upon the Epistles of Phalaris said" She must not make to the next safe Harbour; but...bear away for the remotest."

And so a phrase was coined. A phrase that today even has legal features meaning a protection from liability or penalty.

It might seem redundant to say safe haven (because it literally means a safe safe place!), but the phrase sticks and even has some truth today. Why? Because not all havens are safe!

Enough about history though...the real question is - where is your safe haven.

Life today is fraught with danger - danger in places where there shouldn't be.

• Home - supposedly a safe place but the amount of abuse and hardship found there is far too common
• Work - a place of significance and satisfaction but dangerous for many
• Church - a place of hope but one where hope is far too easily stolen

The list could go on...but I think we need to reclaim these places. Homes should be places of love and care and we should be people who fill our own homes with love and help others do the same. Work should be a place of satisfaction and accomplishment, so we should work to make this possible for everyone. Church should be a place of hope, so we should preach and live out that hope for others to experience.

So where to start...well...where you are! Commit to building places of love, satisfaction and hope. Then we will see safe havens in every area of our lives.

For Small Group Leaders

Since I lead a ministry of small group leaders at my church - we call them Faith Groups, I find that this concept is one we teach and train on often - making groups a safe place.

Your small group, if you are in one, should be a safe haven in life. It is the place where all three of the areas listed above intersect: home, work and church. It should be a safe haven for everyone who comes. I know they fail at this sometimes - people are broken. But still, we need to strive for making them safe. So, small group leaders - how can you make your small groups safe havens?

People are counting on us getting it right.  How do you do it?

Let me know in the comments!

Goodbye

Goodbyes suck...

From friends at airports, to first loves, and next loves, to satisfying jobs and valued partnerships, to the final goodbye of death.

Goodbyes suck...

Even when they're right, healthy and appropriate.

Goodbyes suck...

Smoke

Have you ever tried to get rid of smoke in your home? Like when you're making pizza and some cheese falls on the bottom of the oven and before you know it, acrid smoke is pouring into your home. Ever tried to get rid of it?

It's frustrating and pointless if you do it the wrong way. If you waft a cutting board, or put on a fan, even open a window...it sometimes has the wrong effect, and usually takes far longer to remove than you think. The funny thing is, if you become more intense in your efforts, if you waft stronger, or put the fan on higher, it doesn't make it quicker...sometimes, it just makes it harder and worse. And of course, tiring for you!

Recently, I was struck by the realization that some people are like smoke. No...I don't mean smelly, annoying and won't leave. Rather, I mean that there are people who, if you treat them the wrong way, you have the opposite effect on them than you intended. Instead of one reaction, they react differently than you hope, and if you get more intense about it, their reaction can be harder.

Working with "smoke-like" people in your life takes great skill...something I'm not particularly good at really. These are people who need love expressed in a different way. They want love in a gentle, soft and collaborative manner rather than direct and forceful manner. In fact, they might view forceful and direct as coercive and negatively manipulative.

With this realization about "smoke-like" people, I started thinking about those who are good with smoke. There are people who know how to blow smoke rings, or create beauty with smoke (just google "smoke art" for some amazing work). There are others who know how to weave smoke into their lives and activities (e.g. Native American, Chinese and Boy Scouts practices of smoke signals). These are people who are masters of gentleness and collaboration. They are masters at working with smoke. In life, there are those who are masters at working with "smoke-like" people.

Here's the point - we need "smoke-like" people in our lives. The gifts and beauty they bring create joy and beauty in our lives. Their gifts are rare and worth pursuing and enjoying. Their friendship is different than others and we are the better for it when we have it. But...the challenge with these sorts of people is that we can blow them away if we handle the friendship incorrectly. We can destroy them with the wrong approach.

And yet, when we get it right, there is great art in our relational lives - a beauty unmatched.

So how can we nurture relationships with "smoke-like"people?

I don't know!

But the masters of smoke do the following:

• they are gentle with smoke allowing it to flow around them
• they don't try to control or capture it
• they understand how to look for smoke and read its signs
• they value the time they have with smoke and learn all they can
• they enjoy the beauty it creates

Here's my best guess then at transferring this to nurturing a relationship with a "smoke-like" person:

• Don't force them to do things.
• Work gently with them in a collaboration allowing them to flow around what you do.
• Learn to read their signs of engagement and withdrawal and allow them to have those.
• Value them in your life.
• Enjoy the beauty of your relationship.

If you run a group of any kind (work, small group, book club, etc) then welcome "smoke-like" people into your group. Beware of forcing them into behaviors or conditions (like a covenant). Be gentle in engaging with them, and allow them space to withdraw if they want to do so. Value them and their contribution and enjoy the beauty of their perspective and contribution.

Torpedo

I recently was at a retreat in Rhode Island. The place we stayed was on an small outcrop called Goat Island. It used to be a naval torpedo production and testing site. The hotel where I stayed was filled with pictures of torpedoes being tested, built, retrieved and evaluated. It got me thinking about the metaphor of torpedoes and ships.

In life we are sometimes torpedoes and ships.

Like ships, we go through life moving towards a destination. Sometimes, it is slow and stately (like the big cruise ships), sometimes fast and thrilling (like speedboats), and other times just weighed down as we move through our routines (like cargo ships).

Like torpedoes, sometimes we are on a mission, focused and undeterred as we hurtle towards our target. That focus maybe towards a destructive end (for us or others), or it may in an attempt to avoid greater destruction (like stopping a ship intent on causing greater harm).

There are positives and negatives in both metaphors.

Torpedo like behavior can be positive:

• Stopping a bad idea in its tracks
• Being focused and on mission
• Dealing with a bad habit or addiction

Torpedo like behavior can be negative:

• Damaging good relationships 
• Being so focused on a mission that you forget about the important things in life (loved ones especially)
• Moving so fast in a straight line that you cannot adapt to the changing situation

Ship like behavior can be positive:

• Moving towards a chosen destination with purpose and planning
• Providing means for others to get there with you
• Sheer enjoyment and fun in life

Ship like behavior can be negative:

• Vulnerable to outside attack
• Swayed by currents and winds too easily
• Without power, you can drift off course

So what are you in life - a ship or a torpedo? More importantly, is that the right thing to be for this season of life?

And of course...its the worst thing to be a torpedo when you need to be a ship and be a ship when you need to be a torpedo!

Golden Globes Apathy

Yes I watched the Globes! No, I don't care about the clothing. It's just fun to see the awards. But I was struck by something last night...more than one celebrity (either introducing an award or receiving it) commented on how unimportant the award is in the greater scheme of things.

Ricky Gervais ridiculed them.
Jim Carrey scorned them.
Morgan Freeman asked for applause to stop as it gives the wrong impression.
Ryan Gosling mentioned a Montessori experience of everyone winning a participation trophy.
These stood out among others.

Yet, there they were, waiting on the announcements, thanking their people when they won. Some with shock (Kate Winslet truly was surprised), others with expectant humility (Leonardo Dicaprio was excellent in his speech), and others with genuine joy and welcome (Sylvester Stallone was well received with a standing ovation as a winner).

If these awards are so unimportant, why all the emotion? I think partly, because people love to win. People like the competition. People like to be inspired to more. As Ridley Scott said about his movie (it did well, but then along came Star Wars, and it raised the bar of what we might achieve).

Awards seem to get ridiculed on both fronts (people don't like the participation trophies - even a commercial makes fun of them), but people don't like the negative competition they create either. So in one respect...the Globes echoed real life last night - apart from the obvious ways it doesn't!

As for me...I like awards...real awards for achieving something significant.When people perform, or better yet, outperform, awards bring that recognition. It is far more meaningful when that award is given by your peers. And the sweetest recognition is when it comes as a surprise to even you!

So who is outperforming in your life...give them an award...it doesn't have to be a golden statue to be significant!